An anonymous comment left at the Bad Lawyer post relating to Douglas Robinson, the Cincy drug addict arrested 74 times in two years-- made me think that the commentator was reading my mind.
The Bad Lawyer Blawg was actually created as a forum to enable a Bad Lawyer to get some sleep and deal with intrusive dreams in the wake of cascading professional disaster. This is my struggle to objectively look at who I am and what I became, and document the past and present.
The frenzied legal commentary that ensued since August, particularly in the month of January is nothing but self portraiture--the Bad Lawyer is a little bit of somebody or someone in all the stories that I've cast my focus on especially those tales of lawyers and judges gone horrible wrong. There is a tremendous poignancy for me in relating the stories of lawyers marched into court to plead in disgrace to charges of schemes and scams even in the case the POS lawyer who goes to jail after stealing from widower's estates to give his girlfriend breast enhancements. I feel pain in a sharp pain in my gut, because, I see the criminal under my own hat in these stories. The Bad Lawyer's outrage at guns and tasers, police and public officials, child molesters and the church, tells me that beneath my own corruption and denial there beats the heart of the young guy who wanted to be a good lawyer.
But the anonymous comment caught something that I recognize and which I alluded to the other day that in order to find even a penitent's path back to my profession this Blawg can not continue at the pace and with the focus of this last month. It will change and while I intend to keep drawing on the news stories that interest me and motivate me as a human being and as a lawyer, this week and for the foreseeable future I begin to cope daily with the struggle to begin to put it back together, professionally. I don't know what the future holds, further humiliation and disaster are possible if not probable--but, this blawg will narrate it all.
I will post at greater length, about the agonies of this Saturday and the scramble to timely comply with requirements set out in a letter the Supremes sent me on December 29, which I did not open until Saturday, mistakenly believing it to be a "hard copy" of what was published online. In fact the letter the Supremes sent was a multi-page set of instructions and prohibitions upon me that layered on further humiliations and retrictions. Amazingly, a little piece of paper fluttered out of the envelope which said in effect if you want to know what we said in our opinion finding you a Bad Lawyer log on to our website: http://www.youareapieceofshit.com/ and read it for yourself. Consequently, Saturday was a further nadir in my psychological and emotional life. By Sunday I felt like a piece of fruit that had been pummeled by one of those Louisville Slugger Baseball Bats--this, after I saw some sort of light ahead.
Last week, I met with my accountant and a bankruptcy attorney to explore my/those options. That was a good meeting, in the sense that for now at least I was able to exclude an easy way out of the abyss. Sometimes, the abyss is so deep that there is no exit; it is possible, the abyss is so deep that it works to your advantage--just a possibility, not a probability. This week, I plan to labor in the coal mines of my tattered financial records and rummage through the bankers boxes of canceled checks tyring to bring myself in compliance with filing requirements that everyone else in America seems capable of dealing with, but that I have spectacularly failed to attend to at my very real peril. So this will be a quiet week on the Bad Lawyer Blawg. While I already have some posts written and "scheduled" I will see what I have left over in terms of energy or the ability to focus--to add to the portrait of the Bad Lawyer.
That is after all what this Blawg is--it is a self portrait of the Bad Lawyer.