Monday, January 11, 2010
Joking About Gilligan's Island While Inflight, That'll Get You a Felony
"According to the complaint and affidavit, Johnson first attracted attention because he wanted to put his carry-on bag directly below his seat, which interfered with the passenger behind him. Because he was seated in a bulkhead row, there was no storage in front and the overhead bin was full.
After a passenger made space for him in the bin behind, he then read some magazines. After about 45 minutes, the affidavit said he submitted a sealed comment card to a flight attendant who opened it and read it. The card said:
'I thought I was going to die, we were so high up, I thought to myself: I hope we don't crash and burn or worse yet, landing in the ocean, living through it, only to be eaten by sharks, or worse yet end up on someplace like Gilligan's Island, stranded, or worse yet, be eaten by a tribe of headhunters, speaking of headhunters, why do they just eat outsiders and not the family members? strange... and what if the plane ripped apart in mid-flight and we plumited (sic) to earth, landed on Gilligan's Island and then lived through it and the only woman there was Mrs. Thurston Howell III? No Mary anne (my favorite) no ginger, just lovey! If it were just her, I think I'd opt for the sharks, maybe the headhunters.'
Two flight attendants noted that Johnson was calm and quiet for much of the flight. An attendant also noted that despite the initial luggage flap, he did not raise his voice and ultimately stowed the bag in a bin behind him. The pilot, however, 'absolutely felt threatened by the contents of the card,' the affidavit said."
Until further notice, the lesson we must draw from the example of poor, slightly loopy Mr. Johnson: Do not kid. Do not joke. Do not laugh. Do not create any sort of commotion, of any sort. Do not pass messages to flight attendants. Do not fill out the comment cards. Above all while in flight one must fix their visage into a mask of rectitude. Or else.